Friends and Food

I am so happy to have made a friend who has gifted children. She understands the challenge, and actually is going through far more than I think I'll have to with my children. Her daughter is highly gifted and has some sensory issues. She has been a difficult child, with tantrums and all that fun stuff from early on. Now, they have to take her to weekly psychology appointments just to help her be happy. Poor thing!

I was talking with this friend about the problems her daughter had when she started first grade. Apparently, kindergarten was really great for her. It was fun and interesting, and her family got a much-needed break from the high-intensity tantrums and difficult behavior. But everything came back with a vengeance when first grade rolled around. That's one reason I've been worried about J starting first grade. And because it's not all coloring and learning songs and snack time. The learning takes up more time in the day, but it's all stuff that J already knows. That equals a much greater chance for boredom and misbehavior.

Anyway, one thing she learned from her daughter's psychologist is that her daughter is trying to be good and hold herself together all day long in school, so when she gets home, she falls apart. I think everyone can identify with that. She's dealing with stress that is much too "old" for her in ways that are age appropriate. She freaks out about textures. She's grumpy from dealing with stress and boredom all day, so little things annoy her, like how scratchy that fabric is. Most kids don't end up with these sorts of behaviors, even though they're age-appropriate, because they're not subjected to the same amount of stress. At least, that's my understanding.

That got me thinking about J and the strange problems he's having with lunch. It's his first time eating lunch at school. He was so excited to take food from home in his Buzz Lightyear lunchbox, and helped me choose what things to pack. The first day wasn't so bad, but food kept coming home untouched. I've been trying to figure out what is going on, and asked him to tell me about it. He says that the food is "absolutely disgusting,"  even if it's exactly what he wanted, made to his exact specifications. I almost laughed (except I was trying very hard not to be angry with him for wasting all the food that I'd so meticulously made to his exacting standards) when J told me that "bacteria is affecting the taste."  Affecting was a new and very grown-up word choice for a 6 year old, instead of saying "making it taste funny."

I asked for ideas on a mom's online forum, and they thought it had nothing to do with J's "giftedness." Ooh, it makes me so mad that so many of them put that in quotes! As if they've met my son and have decided that he's just a regular kid. One even pulled the "everyone evens out by third grade" garbage on me. I chewed them out after thanking them for their lunch ideas :)

Anyway, some of the moms thought it was a decent idea that his giftedness plays a role in his lunch problems. Gifted kids are talkative, and more words coming out of the mouth means less food going in the mouth. J is also notoriously slow at making decisions and at eating, so that contributes to running out of time to eat, I'm sure. And I wonder if he's trying so hard to behave and keep himself together all morning, so at lunch time, he's sort of "freaking out" about little things that bug him, just like my friend's daughter.

Lots of online moms suggested that I just need to pack less food. They completely ignored the part where I said that J is asking for more food, because he's starving all day.

It just goes to show that moms without gifted kids just don't know what its like to have gifted kids. Just like I don't know what it's like to have a physically disabled child or an autistic child.  However, I did take some of their advice, and today, I packed apple slices, peanut butter, crackers, and iced juice. Fast to eat, fun to dip, and no treats so he'll have to eat the "main course."  I also packed it in a paper bag, since one mom said that her daughter's insulated bag reportedly makes everything taste like plastic.  Here's to hoping that he doesn't bring any food home uneaten!